


Adventures of a Boy called Jeffrey and a Magikarp

by HouseRiverBoat



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Assassination Attempt(s), Comedy, Gen, Gun but nobody gets shot, Kidnapping, Memes, cringe comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26949727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseRiverBoat/pseuds/HouseRiverBoat
Summary: A boy called Jeffrey sets off on his Pokémon adventure with his starter Pokémon Magikarp given to him by his terrible parents.Rated T for the appearance of the gun.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	1. The Beginning

_ New Bark Town in the Johto Region, home to our intrepid protagonist Jeffery. He is 10 years old today and will depart on his pokémon adventure! Trainers can receive their first Pokémon and their trainer’s licence at age 10 fro— _

“Shut the heck up narrator man!” screamed a middle-aged woman from her window while shaking her fist at the clouds. “Some of us are trying to enjoy a peaceful morning and would not want in some crappy anime!”

_ Okay shoot, sorry ma’am. _

The woman looked over her shoulder and at a digital clock on the nearby dining table. The clock read 4:00 PM, realising that her son had just slept away most of the day like a lazy piece of shit she roared with all her might. “Jeffrey! Wake the hell up! Damn son you’re late for your Pokémon adventure!”

Jeffrey arose from his bed, still extremely tired from the all-night gaming, was very upset with this sudden awakening. “Goddamnit mom, I was dreaming of going on my pokémon adventure. How could you ruin it for me!?”

“You lil’ shit keep on dreaming and you’ll waste your life being a failure, just as I predicted.”

“No mom, I’m gonna be the best, like no one ever was.”

“Stop making pop culture references or I’ll have you drawn and quartered!”   


“But mom! You want me to be successful right?!”

“To be honest no, but I’m legally obligated to say yes. Well anyway, I got you your very own Pokéball. It was like $5 at the bargain bin. I’m pretty sure if you bring out the Pokémon, it’s gonna die.”

“Oh boy! Thanks mom, you’re the best. I love you!!!” Jeffrey went up to his mom to give her a hug but she sorely rejected him by very roughly pushing him away.

“You wretched boy, what was the rule again? No physical interactions in this household!” she practically hissed at Jeffrey, but he wasn’t phased by it. He knew he loved his mom and so did she. She showed her love in an odd way, but Jeffrey took it as her own way of loving him, so he grew to love her more.

As Jeffrey ran downstairs, he could see the Pokéball sitting on the kitchen counter. Old and battered and barely holding up, forget bringing out the Pokémon, it’s probably already dead.

“Oh boy mom, you got me the most seasoned Pokéball you could find, I love you so so much!” Once again he attempted to hug his disgusted mother, but she would only come to reject his affection.

“Fricking child. Get off me, you’re ruining my dress. And you haven’t even cleaned yourself up yet, ya’ piece of garbage.” the woman was furious, her dress was covered in her son’s snot, the sight of it was terrible to look at.

“Aww, but mom. I want to show you my love for you. Don’t be so cold!” the ever bright sunshine that was Jeffrey smiled at his mother. Jeffrey was excited for the day ahead, or since it’s so late, the night ahead.

As Jeffrey got ready, he realised all his belongings were in boxes. He asked his mother why. “Oh, you’ll never come back, that’s why.” Optimistic Jeffrey was very happy with that response. “You’re preparing me for adulthood already, mom!? Moooom I love you SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!” he caught her off guard as he leapt at her like the animal he was. As they both tumbled down, she screamed to all hell for him to get the hell off her.

The now ready Jeffrey was about to head out. He noticed his not-father reading the morning paper with a steaming cup of coffee next to him. “Dad, I’m going on my Pokémon adventure! Wish me luck out there!”

As Jeffrey stood there awaiting a response, the father did not respond and eventually took a sip of the coffee. Some might wonder why he was reading the morning paper in the afternoon. Seconds turned to minutes and the waiting Jeffrey decided that his father was a busy man, and that’s his charm. Working so hard to support the family he loves, his way of showing love and affection only deepened Jeffrey’s respect for his father. To Jeffrey, they were a family. To most, not quite.

_ Can I finally speak now? Okay good. _

_ As Jeffrey left his house to begin his first ever Pokémon adventure, who knows what awaits him in the next episode? Tune in next time to find out more! _


	2. The Beginning

_ As our hero made his way down route 29 with high spirits for the adventure to come, he soon came across a peculiar bidoof in a patch of tall grass. _

Jeffrey was in high spirits as he made his way down route 29, he was optimistic about his future prospects as a Pokémon Trainer. As he walked down the beaten path, he soon ran into a patch of tall grass intersecting the road ahead. Recalling his limited knowledge about Pokémon behaviour, he knew that wild Pokémon usually hid in the tall grass so that they could get the jump on unsuspecting trainers and maul them to death. Now how to safely cross without getting himself killed?

The answer to that question was obviously to dash across the grass patch! After all the less time spent in the grass, the less opportunity for wild Pokémon to kill him. As our hero readied himself to make a break for it, he suddenly heard a growl coming from the treeline. Turning to face the noise, he was pounced on by an Arcanine who pinned him down. 

From the same bush the Arcanine rushed out from, an out of breath officer revealed herself. “Stop right there, criminal scum! It’s illegal for you to run without running shoes, you good for nothing criminal!”

“What were you doing in that bush with your Pokémon, officer? Why are you out of breath?” Jeffrey asks.

Silence ensued as they stared at each other, blank.

“W-Well, I sensed that you were committing a crime, so I rushed out and caught you!” she stuttered a little.

It appears to Jeffrey that the officer dodged his question.

“ _ Ahem. _ Since I’m such a nice cop, I’ll just let you off if you pay me $1500, should be alright with you?”

“But that’s enough to BUY running shoes, no?” Jeffrey asked, clearly stumped with this encounter.

Once again, silence.

After the cop forcefully took the money, she left, feeling accomplished. “I’m Officer Jenny, by the way. Don’t let me catch you doing crime again.” The Officer strutted into the nearby forest.

Now with half his life-savings taken by an officer whose actions prior to the encounter still unknown, Jeffrey WALKS through the grass patch.

All of a sudden, Jeffrey’s run down by a wild Bidoof. Its not very sharp claws damaging-but-not-really Jeffrey’s skin. Unfortunately he knows no techniques of self-defense as he writhes in the not-much-pain that the Bidoof inflicts on him. Headbutt after headbutt, the Bidoof doesn’t really damage him but it stacks up. Then, more show up at the noise of one of their own having caught a prey.

“AAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggghhhhhhhh!” Jeffrey screamed like a prepubescent kid since he was one. Thrashing his body around, he managed to throw off the first Bidoof. He quickly scrambled to his feet and speed-walked out of the grass, just in case the police officer was still nearby. The Bidoof nipping at his heels as he shuffled out of the grass.

When he stumbled out onto the dirt path again Jeffrey found that he had lost $80 in the scuffle, but thankfully none of the Bidoofs followed him out of the tall grass. Breathing a sigh of relief, Jeffrey continued down the path before he suddenly heard an alert sound effect and found himself unable to move as he heard footsteps approach from his right.

Out of the corner of his eye Jeffrey saw a bug catcher walking up to him, invading his personal space and speaking right into his ear. “I caught a few bug-type Pokémon earlier! I’ll test them on you!”

_ Bug Catcher Eric wants to battle. Bug Catcher Eric sent out Metapod. _

_ Go Magikarp! _

Jeffrey felt rather excited for his first battle, this was his chance to prove himself! The first step on the road to fame and fortune, all he had to do was win. My Magikarp only has one move, Splash, this Bug Catcher wouldn’t know what hit him. Jeffrey grinned in anticipation. “Go Magikarp! Take em’ out with a Splash!”

_ Magikarp used Splash. But nothing happened! _

Doubt momentarily flashed across Jeffrey’s face, when he read the floating text. What?! Perhaps I didn’t use Splash enough, after all a very overpowered move must have low accuracy for the sake of balance.

_ Metapod used Harden. Metapod’s defense rose slightly. _

It was Jeffrey’s turn again, with a determined look in his eyes he confidently exclaimed. “Magikarp! Destroy him with a Splash!”

_ Magikarp used Splash. But nothing happened! _

Jeffrey cringed internally as he read the text again. Splash had failed once more, perhaps his RNG was bad today; better make an offering to RNGesus soon. Things weren't looking up right now, but Jeffrey was sure that through grit and determination he would win the day!

~30 minutes later~

_ Magikarp has no moves left. Magikarp used struggle. _

_ Metapod takes 2 hp of damage. _

_ Metapod has 1hp left. _

_ Magikarp was hurt from recoil. _

_ Magikarp fainted. _

‘No, how could this be? How could it come to this?!’ Jeffrey thought in his mind, he was beaten by a Metapod. His Magikarp destroyed by a Metapod. All of his two hours of training and experience, only to be crushed by a Metapod. He was such a disgrace to his family!

“Heh, I won! Now gimme all your money!” sneered Bug Catcher Eric.

_ Jeffrey paid out $90 to the winner  _

_ Jeffrey blacked out. _


	3. Assassination

When Jeffrey finally regained consciousness, he found his wallet completely empty about a meter away from where he lay. The only thing left in it was his trainer ID which someone had drawn a mustache on his picture in permanent marker.

“Oh boy, is that me with a mustache? I look so manly, I can’t wait to grow up!” Jeffrey’s face lit up in anticipation as he looked up into the sky. “I’m going to be the best Pokémon trainer of all time… just you wait, world!”

As Jeffrey gathered up what’s left of his belongings, a shady figure approached him. It was another Bidoof.

“AHHH! Don’t hurt me! I don’t have any more money!!!” Jeffrey cowered at the thought of being beaten by more Bidoofs. But this one was different, as it stood there, silently. Maybe this one isn’t rabid like the others. Jeffrey was hopeful as he slowly walked up to the Bidoof.

Oddly enough, this Bidoof was wearing a suit. Stylish. Upon closer inspection, its head was fully shaven off leaving only the ears covered in fur. Quite a weird look, even for Jeffrey. There was a nametag on the Bidoof that read “Biffy 47”.

Suddenly, Biffy 47 took out a gun, the atmosphere taking on a more dramatic change. Jeffrey, realising his predicament, takes a step back and gets ready to run.

“Squeak squeak, squeak.” Biffy 47 said. It seemed to Jeffrey that it said something along the lines of “Nothing personal, kid.”

Just then, Jeffrey got knocked out, his body ragdolled onto the floor, his consciousness faded.

When Jeffrey woke up again, he found himself waking up in an enclosed space, he was lying on what felt like several plastic bags containing something soft. As he regained his awareness of his surroundings, he suddenly picked up a very strong foul smell all around him. Reaching to his pocket to retrieve a flashlight, his hand froze as he felt it pass over exposed skin. Someone had stolen his clothes! But why?

Jeffrey then tried to push against the sides of the container he was in to no avail, looking around he noticed that the ‘roof’ of this place was made of a black plastic with some light filtering in through small gaps in the substance. Figuring that it was probably the exit, Jeffrey pushed against the ‘roof’ and it gave way, swinging open to this right, filling the confined space with light. As Jeffrey poked his head over the side, he saw that it was already night, with the light being that of a streetlamp. He noticed that he was at the back of the PokéMart, looking down he saw that the confined space from earlier was a dumpster. Now the smell makes sense Jeffrey thought. Looking around the trash, Jeffrey found his clothes in a neat bundle next to where he lay, evidently discarded after he was. Acting quickly, Jeffrey shut the dumpster and put on his clothes in case anyone was near.

After leaving the dumpster with his clothes on, our intrepid hero sees Biffy 47 walking off in a nurse outfit. “Well that was strange, but it won’t stop my quest to be the best!” Jeffrey said to himself. Shrugging, he walked over to the Pokémon Centre to fix up his glorious Magikarp, one day his Magikarp would become a Gyarados which he would use to conquer the Elite Four and become the next champion, crushing Lance like the pathetic loser that he is. After all Lance was trashed by Red all those years ago, he couldn’t be that hard right?

Upon entering the Pokémon Centre, Jeffrey, still reeking of garbage, is leered at by the nurse who takes his Magikarp and directs him to the showers. After cleaning up and collecting his Magikarp, Jeffrey entered the canteen to have a meal. While eating macaroni and cheese, he overheard a news report playing in the background.

**Breaking News: Scandal rocks the Johto Government as it has been revealed that the government has been using genetically engineered Pokemon assassins to conduct acts of espionage internationally. We now go to Tony, our reporter at the Defense Minister’s press conference for more.**

“Oh good thing I never encountered any one of those. It would’ve been bad! I hope Biffy is okay, though.”

**Thank you Ezekiel, the Defence Minister has stated that earlier sightings of the escaped specimens are indeed authentic, and advises civilians to be on the lookout for Pokémon armed with pistols and wearing suits. How exactly they have escaped the military facility still remains unclear, but he tells the public to remain calm and that “We have the situation totally under control, no seriously take a breather we got this.” Very reassuring, this is Tony Stark signing off.**

**Thank you, Tony, now in sports…**

Jeffrey tuned out the rest of the news report and refocused back to his meal. “Biffy was a government agent? That’s so cool!” After his meal, he decided to rest up for the night at the Pokémon Centre.

A new day dawned as Jeffrey awoke from his deep slumber. With his rested Magikarp in hand and nothing else, he went off to the next city. His tread was long and tedious, having to dodge all the trainers because he felt bad that if he won, he’d have to take their money.

It is the afternoon when he reached the next town, Violet City. A bustling town filled with happy people and other things. Jeffrey ran around as he took in the sights of traditional buildings and a huge pond. “Daaaarn, that pond can fit at least 12 people,” Jeffrey remarked as he approached the pond. A local just looked at him, unable to deny that statement.

“This city is amaaaaaaaaazing!!!!” Jeffrey’s face brimmed with excitement at this place’s beauty, but now is not the time for sightseeing. Jeffrey, now filled with determination, worked his way forward to the gym. Unbeknownst to him, he was actually walking in the wrong direction. It was sundown when he finally found the big, intimidating building that is the gym.

He held his Pokéball firm in his hands as he marched into the gym, ready to win his first badge.


	4. Getting the Badge

Upon entering the gym, Jeffrey noticed that the gym was much much larger on the inside than it was on the outside, but how was that possible? He decided not to question it. In front of him lay a staircase leading to a wooden platform with a button on its centre. Looking up Jeffrey saw that there were several platforms suspended in mid-air. It was odd seeing them floating there with no means of being held in place, but he failed physics in school so what did he know?

The platform was most likely some kind of elevator which was supposed to bring him up to the second floor. Thinking little of how it would actually do that due to the absence of an elevator shaft, Jeffrey walked onto the platform and stepped on the button. The platform immediately shot upwards at extreme speed as Jeffrey screamed his lungs out at the drastic change of his situation. He could’ve sworn that he’d almost peed himself. As the platform came to a sudden, screeching halt, Jeffrey had to check his heart to see whether it stopped, then his pants to see if he really peed. He didn’t.

“I-I think I left my stomach downstairs,” Jeffrey said, groaning as he leaned over the ledge and threw up.

“AhhhaHHHAHhh…!” a voice could be heard from far below. He probably got thrown up on. Looking down, it was the sunglasses guy that always creepily watched the gym battles, gave out Fresh Waters and followed trainers from gym to gym. It seemed Jeffrey’s MLG Pro aiming skills were able to snipe him with no scope, 420 blaze it, baby. Oopsie daisy, moving on.

Once Jeffrey caught his breath, he looked around observing his surroundings. The area he was on was split into two areas, a wooden core area with two trainers standing on it. The layout of the platform was in an S-shape, forcing Jeffrey to walk into the line of sight of the trainers or risk falling into the massive chasm below the floating platform. Something told Jeffrey that the health and safety inspector and the Trainer’s Union would likely protest this workplace violation but he digressed.

The second part of the platform were these glass panels that formed a path around the wooden platform leading straight to the gym leader. Once again the platform had no railings and was super dangerous but what were the inspectors and union leaders to do? Fine the gym leader? Go on strike? Besides their lack of precautions meant things were more dangerous and danger meant excitement right?

As such Jeffrey, bursting with excitement for his inevitable victory, Naruto ran across the glass platform, almost falling over the edge multiple times but made it in the end safely. Now all that remained was to battle the gym leader. It was now or never, Jeffrey stepped in front of the gym leader and whipped out his Pokéball.

“I’m Falkner, the Violet City Pokemon Gym Leader! People say you can clip Flying-type Pokemon’s wings with a jolt of electricity… I won’t allow such insults to bird Pokémon! I will show you the real power of the magnificent bird Pokémon!” And with that, the battle began.

_ You are challenged by Leader Falkner! _

_ Leader Falkner sent out Pidgey! _

_ Go! Magikarp! _

Jeffrey smirked at the imbecilic gym leader, he didn’t stand a chance against anyway… Time to take out the trash. “Go Magikarp! Terminate his career with Splash!”

_ Magikarp used Splash. But nothing happened! _

Again with the RNG, damn! Jeffrey snarled in his head, why can’t Splash do it’s thing?

Falkner wore a stoic expression as he made his move. “Pidgey, use Tackle!”

Pidgey slammed itself into Magikarp knocking them both back. 

The battle wasn’t exactly going all well, but that didn’t matter since Jeffrey would win anyway. Smiling he said with full confidence “Magikarp! Eliminate him with Splash!”

_ Magikarp used Splash. But nothing happened! _

Falkner still wearing his stoic expression ordered Pidgey to use Tackle again with the expected results. Magikarp was now in the red.

Jeffrey, still confident in his chances of winning proclaimed, “You fool, I am inevitable!”

_ Magikarp used Splash. But nothing happened! _

Falkner tensed as he said, “And I am the Gym Leader”

_ Pidgey used Tackle. _

_ Magikarp fainted. _

“No! Not again!”

_ Jeffrey blacked out. _

_ You could’ve thought that through better, considering that Pidgey is the predator of Magikarp in the wild. Just look at the phone app  _ Magikarp Jump _! Find out what happens to our intrepid hero next time! _


	5. Bitterness of Defeat

Jeffrey got kicked out, once again tasting the bitterness of defeat. Still, he did not fret. He knew that he would soon become champion. All it took was time and some effort, but Jeffrey was lazy so he’ll do that another day. For now, he’d have to heal his Pokémon and train a little more.

As he entered the Pokémon Centre, the nurse noticed his presence and rolled her eyes.

“Oh boy, everyone’s so excited to see the champion-to-be! That’s right, that person is me!” Jeffrey exclaimed with glee. He was absolutely certain that his ambition of being the best is not misplaced. It would be a long time before he sees that future, but who are we to say?

As he approached the counter, he produced his almost-broken Pokéball, taken pitifully by the nurse to heal. 

“You might want to change your Pokéball, it’s pretty banged up…,” the nurse said, forcing herself to act concerned.

“Maybe, but I’ve developed an emotional connection to this one.” Jeffrey shed a single tear of joy. The ball had been with him for about 2 days and it was 2 damn glorious days indeed.

As the nurse handed back Jeffrey’s Pokéball, she could’ve sworn that a small piece had fallen off. Her face contorted to a slight cringe; she’d never seen a Pokéball in such a terrible condition before. It was a small miracle that it didn’t fall apart in her hands.

Jeffrey thanked the nurse as he headed out, excited for his next small adventure.

Suddenly a bag was thrown over his head and someone punched him in the stomach. He doubled over as he felt a blow to the side of his head and he slowly faded into unconsciousness.

Some time later…

When Jeffrey finally came to, the first thing he noticed was the rays of light filtering through the hood that was over his head. As Jeffrey tried to reach up to his face to remove the hood, he found that he couldn’t: in fact, his arms were tied to his body!

“What’s this? I’m being kidnapped? Oh no I don’t have any money!” Jeffrey screamed for help as his vision was still impaired by the bag over his head.

“Haha, you thought it was kidnappers, but it was us! Team Rocket!!!” As the bag was lifted off Jeffrey’s head, it was revealed that his abductors were the best, most well known team of all time, Team Rocket!

Jeffrey let out a gasp of surprise. “Team Rocket?! Oh my gosh, you guys are my heroes! I wanna be just like you when I grew up.” Jeffrey stared in starry eyed wonder.

“Uhh… that’s great? Yo, how do we deal with this kid? … What? Just ask him for his parent’s Pokégear number? Ok, hey kid give us your parent’s Pokegear number.”

“Sure thing Mr Team Rocket Grunt, sir! Its 12345!”

“Heh, thanks kid, now you just tell your parents that you want them to save you when we tell you to get it?”

Jeffrey nodded his head enthusiastically, it wasn’t everyday that you got kidnapped by your idols after all. The Team Rocket Grunt dialed on Jeffrey’s Pokégear and then put it against his ear waiting for a response. After about a minute, the Team Rocket Grunt began speaking, “Alright listen here, we have your son with us.” Holding the pokegear towards Jeffrey he said, “Go on tell them you want to be saved.”

“Hey mom, hey dad! I’m having fun on my journey with Team Rocket, isn’t that awesome?!? I—” as Jeffrey wanted to speak more, the grunt took the Pokégear back.

“Y-Yeah, so if you don’t want your son to get hurt, you better cough up the money! Or else he might not come back safely,” he tried to shift his tone to a more sinister one, but he can’t help but be concerned by this kid.

“Oh,” the voice on the other line was not concerned in the slightest. “Keep him.” The line then went dead.

The grunt stood there, dumbfounded. Clearly, he had not expected this turn of events, as he turned towards the excited Jeffrey staring at him.

What a sad kid, the grunt thought. Not even his parents wanted him.

“Erm… *cough* You want to… join Team Rocket?” the grunt asked.

“YEAH!!!”

FIN.


End file.
